Mom of an addict, dandelion
I feel the same way. My heart is shattered in a million pieces and I give up :'( I have given up my life since 2010 to start raising grandbabies, I now have 3 but only custody of the 2 oldest (8 & 6), the youngest(4) lives with papaw and other step grandma. I should be living carefree, but instead I’m struggling physically and financially, stressed out to the max, and wore out to the point of being beyond tired !! My health is deteriorating daily from the stress and emotional drain on top of already having major health issues. I asked for help several times with necessities for the kids but never receive it when parents had/ have money for drugs !!! My granddaughters dad is in heaven from a accidental self inflicted gun shot wound when she was 8mths and my grandsons dad just died of an overdose. My daughter got married last year and her and my son in law both are using “again” and I’m so sick of the drama. Never coming around and when they do they are fighting constantly, skinnier, and look like walking death :'( These kids don’t need to be seeing it. They beg to see her then have to deal with a bunch of crap when they finally do get to !! She comes through the door bitching and complaining about finances but they both have/had great paying jobs and if they clean up can/could again with their certifications. But they choose to complain instead.
Well today after begging for 4 days to see her, they finally show up. Not even 5 minutes into being here the fighting started. I got tired, really super tired of it “ALL” real quick and I let go yelling and telling like it is !! My son in law had already left from them fighting and so after I started in about not wanting the drama here around the grandkids no more, she stormed out !!
I’ve cried non stop all day, broken hearted scared to death of what could possibly happen next. My eyes are swollen i can barely see, my throat feels like it’s closing on me. i can’t swallow, my heart is racing, I’m nauseous and a nervous wreck !! I love my precious daughter, my one and only child with all my heart and soul….but I can no longer live this way.
I have so often blamed myself for I don’t know what. I don’t know where I failed as a mother. I have felt guilty because I can no longer go on…I am done! And this makes me feel worse and at the same time as a cold soul. I have three grown children who ALL are addicts…my oldest is married and my daughter-in-law is in the same place. I have them staying with me along with their 3 kids. I have taken over 90% for the care of my grandkids. The oldest grandchild is 14 and has recently started lying…skipping school..and just not what I expect of her. I feel I cant go on being there for the kids nor the grandkids…I feel like “running away”…giving up on my house – let them run it to the ground – just get lost and not have to think of anybody and anything…is this normal? Am I a had mother?
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